This is me
Intro
My name is Evka, I am 24 years old and work in the illustrious corporate world of short term Insurance. My story starts when I was 12 years old.
Funny enough, it starts there, because that is the furthest back I am able to remember.
What
I do remember is my first day of high school, and having my sister [
almost 3 years my senior ] so excited to show me around and introduce me
to her friends. I was fortunate, as I was an early bloomer, somewhat
attractive, and had a sister that was always proud to tell her friends
that we were related.
Right off the bat, I had older boys that were 4 - 5 years my senior seemingly interested in going out with me, as the boys my age seemed somewhat immature and boring it seemed the only option available to me. Although this year of my life, is somewhat hazy at best, my first year of high school was probably time I was at my most happiest.
Less than a year later, I was celebrating my 13th and I had discovered the wonders of Rum and Brandy. Partying with my sisters friends is what interested me more than boys, and although my parents had very little money, I always seemed to find friends that would sponsor the nights action.
I remember having a huge fight with my parents that very night, as I ran to my room and locked the door behind me. I was of course totally out of line, but it was all part of my master plan. At school the week prior, I had arranged that a few of the old kids would fetch me at the corner of the road, just past 9 pm, as I sneaked out of my bedroom window. [Some of these blanks were filled in my friends at the time]
Party
I remember getting into my friends vehicle and stopping at 2 house parties along the way. I can't remember what time I lost conciseness, but I know that it was at or after house number 2, that I lost sight of my older friends, and is where they said I started acting strange.
It would be 6 months later, before I woke up from a coma. I was told that I suffered a traumatic brain injury as a result of a severe blow to the head. I was discovered at around 4am on a Sunday morning [Day after going out] on the side of the highway [ Move than 60Km from the party number 2 venue]. The blow to my head, had cracked my skull and had likely been made by a Tyre wrench, which to this day was never discovered.
Hospital
I tried to step off my hospital bed, however crumbled to the floor as my legs gave way to my frail frame. [less than 30kg at the time]
As I hit the floor, I blanked out, only to wake up back in bed, surrounded by what at the time was crying strangers at my bedside.
Who are these people I asked myself. A boy of 11/12 placed his arms around me, whispering in my ear, " I will protect you, I will protect you", while a middle age couple and teenage girl openly cried while staring at me. I was to weak to move or even talk, as my eyes looked at the ceiling with total confusion as to what was happening.
Explanation
As things calmed down, the middle aged lady walked over to me, and explained what had happend.
She said, I had been found on the highway, left for dead, whilst a passing motorist was fortunate enough to have seen me lying on the side of the road and rushed me to hospital.
She told me, I had been in a coma, but that I needed to rest. I remember asking her who she was, as she squeezed my hand tightly and again broke down.
I was not aware at the time, but the lady was my mother, and that although they were told prior to engaging with me, that I could have amnesia, the extend was not understood. [Initially, it was though that it may be temporary and that I might have a full recovery]
I can tell you, as of today, I do not remember my child hood, nor do i recognize friends prior to the first day that I walked into my high school. I do not have any recollection of my father that I lost to a tragic motor cycle accident, nor have pictures of my youth been able to trigger any recollection whatsoever. What i do know, is that like every/most little girls, I had kept a diary since the age of 10. Although it was not updated every day, it gave me context to who i was before ..... and that I was still someone with high morals... or who had at the very least kept her virginity.
Recovery
I was told that it was important to regain my strength, as my family visited each day, I started to recover, feel stronger and slowly eat solids.
It was only after the first week, that I started getting comfortable with these people visiting 3 - 5 times a day.
I loved how my younger brother would always be the first one to hold my hand, as he stood next to me, like an angel and protector. My mother and sister seemed to cry every time they saw me, as my step father was a pillar of strength.
That particular day, as everyone left the room, my mother stayed behind .... it was as though she needed to muster the strength to tell me something.... Evka, she said ...... i have to tell you something....... "I love you, we all Love you ...and we will always be there for you"
My
thoughts went back to when I crumbled to the floor.... Oh my Gawd I
thought...... as tears ran down my cheeks.... "Mom..... am I going to be
able to walk"..... my heart raced ...... why didn't I pick it up.. i
had been laying in bed for over a week.... I can't live in a
wheelchair... i can't live my life in bed.... as the thoughts raced in
my head.
My mother turned to me, as she wiped away my tears ...."Evka, you are 6 month pregnant... and your babies are still healthy"
You got to be fucking kidding me ... i thought....... am I the virgin Mary? Mom ... they wrong ... i can't be .... you said i was 13....
She looked me in the eyes...."My child,"she said ..... "you have nothing to worry about......your family is here for you and your girls...." as she gave me a hug and kissed me on the forehead......
I went into a panic, as I screamed and lost control of myself .... I must have been sedated ... as i passed out and woke up ,,,, much calmer, but what seemed like an eternity.
My mother tells me now, that it took her all the strength she had to tell me that day, but what she could not do, was tell me that it was determined that I had traces of "rohypnol" in my system. [date rape drug]
As I had been in a coma whist pregnant, there was no option to abort... and when i look back, I am so thankful.
i was still 13 years old, when Casey and Madison were born......I didn't want to hold them.... Why would I.... Their father raped me, then left me for dead on the side of the road....
I was emotionless, and when I was asked if i wanted to hold them, I told the nurse to give them to my mother.... I hated life.... Although my memory started coming back to me slowly over the previous 2 1/2 months, I remembered the love my sister had for me .... and I remembered how my brother used to be such a pain in the ass..... How they had both changed .... My sister was distant from me, yet, my brother never wanted to let me go....
I had already missed out on a year of schooling, and I had no intention of going back. However, my fathers younger brother, had recently divorced, and moved closer to our house. He was fairly wealthy, and visited regularly. He told my mother, that he owed everything he had in life to my father, as my father was the one that moved from Portugal to South Africa, and had worked night and day to bring him and the rest of his family to this country.... He regarded his big brother as a father, who was always his protector, and when he told his wife that they needed to move to Cape Town to help me, the complications it caused, was enough for him to finalise his decision to leave her. [Don't worry, he eventually found someone that deserves his love]
Sweet 16
I was 16 years old, and Casey and Madison had turned 2. Private schooling allowed me to catch up the years I had missed, and I was already writing my final high school exams ..... it was difficult, and still is difficult to understand why up until that point, I was emotionless. i did not know how to love....
I didn't have a connection with anyone other than my little brother. Who at the age of 15, was already the province BJJ under 17 champion. Initially he begged me to watch him compete, but it became the highight of my weekends watching him become the best in his weight class. He would dedicate each win to me, and tell me that he was my protector, and that no one would ever hurt me again .... Imagine that... my little brother ... became my big brother...
Bat Shit Crazy
My mother was concerned that I showed very little emotion, she said at the time that she had not seen me cry or laugh since before the incident. I know she loved me ... and hence I agree to go a to a psychologist. It was probably and without a doubt, the best thing that could ever have happened to me... I for the first time, I was able to let go....
My thoughts,
The unanswered questions....
The fact that everyone treated me like a wounded animal....
My daughters... the reminders of a "Mistake".... a "Terrible Event" .... did i love there 2 children that I refused to acknowledge as my own?
I had no friends to speak of, I kept to myself, and i hated been around people.
I was miserable, but i needed to change. I needed to love these girls, and I needed to believe in people again.
The question was, How was I going to be able to trust people again.... when i couldn't even love my own family.......
To be continued
My name is Evka, I am 24 years old and work in the illustrious corporate world of short term Insurance. My story starts when I was 12 years old.
Funny enough, it starts there, because that is the furthest back I am able to remember.
What
I do remember is my first day of high school, and having my sister [
almost 3 years my senior ] so excited to show me around and introduce me
to her friends. I was fortunate, as I was an early bloomer, somewhat
attractive, and had a sister that was always proud to tell her friends
that we were related.Right off the bat, I had older boys that were 4 - 5 years my senior seemingly interested in going out with me, as the boys my age seemed somewhat immature and boring it seemed the only option available to me. Although this year of my life, is somewhat hazy at best, my first year of high school was probably time I was at my most happiest.
Less than a year later, I was celebrating my 13th and I had discovered the wonders of Rum and Brandy. Partying with my sisters friends is what interested me more than boys, and although my parents had very little money, I always seemed to find friends that would sponsor the nights action.
I remember having a huge fight with my parents that very night, as I ran to my room and locked the door behind me. I was of course totally out of line, but it was all part of my master plan. At school the week prior, I had arranged that a few of the old kids would fetch me at the corner of the road, just past 9 pm, as I sneaked out of my bedroom window. [Some of these blanks were filled in my friends at the time]
Party
I remember getting into my friends vehicle and stopping at 2 house parties along the way. I can't remember what time I lost conciseness, but I know that it was at or after house number 2, that I lost sight of my older friends, and is where they said I started acting strange.
It would be 6 months later, before I woke up from a coma. I was told that I suffered a traumatic brain injury as a result of a severe blow to the head. I was discovered at around 4am on a Sunday morning [Day after going out] on the side of the highway [ Move than 60Km from the party number 2 venue]. The blow to my head, had cracked my skull and had likely been made by a Tyre wrench, which to this day was never discovered.
Hospital
I tried to step off my hospital bed, however crumbled to the floor as my legs gave way to my frail frame. [less than 30kg at the time]
As I hit the floor, I blanked out, only to wake up back in bed, surrounded by what at the time was crying strangers at my bedside.
Who are these people I asked myself. A boy of 11/12 placed his arms around me, whispering in my ear, " I will protect you, I will protect you", while a middle age couple and teenage girl openly cried while staring at me. I was to weak to move or even talk, as my eyes looked at the ceiling with total confusion as to what was happening.
Explanation
As things calmed down, the middle aged lady walked over to me, and explained what had happend.
She said, I had been found on the highway, left for dead, whilst a passing motorist was fortunate enough to have seen me lying on the side of the road and rushed me to hospital.
She told me, I had been in a coma, but that I needed to rest. I remember asking her who she was, as she squeezed my hand tightly and again broke down.
I was not aware at the time, but the lady was my mother, and that although they were told prior to engaging with me, that I could have amnesia, the extend was not understood. [Initially, it was though that it may be temporary and that I might have a full recovery]
I can tell you, as of today, I do not remember my child hood, nor do i recognize friends prior to the first day that I walked into my high school. I do not have any recollection of my father that I lost to a tragic motor cycle accident, nor have pictures of my youth been able to trigger any recollection whatsoever. What i do know, is that like every/most little girls, I had kept a diary since the age of 10. Although it was not updated every day, it gave me context to who i was before ..... and that I was still someone with high morals... or who had at the very least kept her virginity.
Recovery
I was told that it was important to regain my strength, as my family visited each day, I started to recover, feel stronger and slowly eat solids.
It was only after the first week, that I started getting comfortable with these people visiting 3 - 5 times a day.
I loved how my younger brother would always be the first one to hold my hand, as he stood next to me, like an angel and protector. My mother and sister seemed to cry every time they saw me, as my step father was a pillar of strength.
That particular day, as everyone left the room, my mother stayed behind .... it was as though she needed to muster the strength to tell me something.... Evka, she said ...... i have to tell you something....... "I love you, we all Love you ...and we will always be there for you"
My
thoughts went back to when I crumbled to the floor.... Oh my Gawd I
thought...... as tears ran down my cheeks.... "Mom..... am I going to be
able to walk"..... my heart raced ...... why didn't I pick it up.. i
had been laying in bed for over a week.... I can't live in a
wheelchair... i can't live my life in bed.... as the thoughts raced in
my head.My mother turned to me, as she wiped away my tears ...."Evka, you are 6 month pregnant... and your babies are still healthy"
You got to be fucking kidding me ... i thought....... am I the virgin Mary? Mom ... they wrong ... i can't be .... you said i was 13....
She looked me in the eyes...."My child,"she said ..... "you have nothing to worry about......your family is here for you and your girls...." as she gave me a hug and kissed me on the forehead......
I went into a panic, as I screamed and lost control of myself .... I must have been sedated ... as i passed out and woke up ,,,, much calmer, but what seemed like an eternity.
My mother tells me now, that it took her all the strength she had to tell me that day, but what she could not do, was tell me that it was determined that I had traces of "rohypnol" in my system. [date rape drug]
As I had been in a coma whist pregnant, there was no option to abort... and when i look back, I am so thankful.
i was still 13 years old, when Casey and Madison were born......I didn't want to hold them.... Why would I.... Their father raped me, then left me for dead on the side of the road....
I was emotionless, and when I was asked if i wanted to hold them, I told the nurse to give them to my mother.... I hated life.... Although my memory started coming back to me slowly over the previous 2 1/2 months, I remembered the love my sister had for me .... and I remembered how my brother used to be such a pain in the ass..... How they had both changed .... My sister was distant from me, yet, my brother never wanted to let me go....
I had already missed out on a year of schooling, and I had no intention of going back. However, my fathers younger brother, had recently divorced, and moved closer to our house. He was fairly wealthy, and visited regularly. He told my mother, that he owed everything he had in life to my father, as my father was the one that moved from Portugal to South Africa, and had worked night and day to bring him and the rest of his family to this country.... He regarded his big brother as a father, who was always his protector, and when he told his wife that they needed to move to Cape Town to help me, the complications it caused, was enough for him to finalise his decision to leave her. [Don't worry, he eventually found someone that deserves his love]
Sweet 16
I was 16 years old, and Casey and Madison had turned 2. Private schooling allowed me to catch up the years I had missed, and I was already writing my final high school exams ..... it was difficult, and still is difficult to understand why up until that point, I was emotionless. i did not know how to love....
I didn't have a connection with anyone other than my little brother. Who at the age of 15, was already the province BJJ under 17 champion. Initially he begged me to watch him compete, but it became the highight of my weekends watching him become the best in his weight class. He would dedicate each win to me, and tell me that he was my protector, and that no one would ever hurt me again .... Imagine that... my little brother ... became my big brother...
Bat Shit Crazy
My mother was concerned that I showed very little emotion, she said at the time that she had not seen me cry or laugh since before the incident. I know she loved me ... and hence I agree to go a to a psychologist. It was probably and without a doubt, the best thing that could ever have happened to me... I for the first time, I was able to let go....
My thoughts,
The unanswered questions....
The fact that everyone treated me like a wounded animal....
My daughters... the reminders of a "Mistake".... a "Terrible Event" .... did i love there 2 children that I refused to acknowledge as my own?
I had no friends to speak of, I kept to myself, and i hated been around people.
I was miserable, but i needed to change. I needed to love these girls, and I needed to believe in people again.
The question was, How was I going to be able to trust people again.... when i couldn't even love my own family.......
To be continued
What an incredible story. Persevering through all circumstances and against all odds. Truly amazing and inspiring!
ReplyDelete